I was going to post more today and do a huge gallery of chicks with in red, white, and blue bikinis sporting major boob salad, but then something happened. The sun came out. I hadn’t seen it in a month, so I went outside to bask in it’s glory, and guess what? The clouds just rolled in. Fuck you clouds.

For those of you who live in a part of this country that actually has nice weather more than two days a month, I hope you catch your wife getting diddled (consentually) by your next door neighbor this weekend. What can I say, I grumpy and I’m bitter. I don’t play well with shitty weather.

As for everyone else, enjoy this 4th of July weekend. Don’t drink and drive. Besides the sex, that’s the other reason you have a girlfriend. So you can get as shitfaced as you want, and you’ll always have a sober ride home.

Before I sign off until Monday, I left a treat for you guys after the break. It’s probably the coolest firework trick I’ve ever seen, and if you get your mom to do it, make sure you take a picture and send it to me to post.

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ELK GROVE, Calif (CBS13) - A local teacher accidentally put pornography into a DVD that was meant to be filled with school memories from the past year, and nobody caught the error until after it was sent home, shocking parents and students alike.

Parents of students who attend Isabelle Jackson Elementary said that the woman is a good teacher, but just made a mistake that may become the most embarrassing moment of their life.

The offending DVD starts with a menu screen that displays various school trips and functions, and when you click on one of them, you see kids in a classroom sharing stories. They start clapping, then the video suddenly cuts to sex.

And so overnight Crystal Defanti went from school teacher to Internet porn star. She’s probably mortified and embarrassed, and her teaching career is over. Well, she has been fired or quit yet, but showing up in September probably isn’t going to be a good idea. Sure, parent-teacher conference attendance rates would go up, but I just think Crystal would be more of a distraction than an educator.

Hopefully Crystal will get a call from Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. If there’s anyone that can spin a story like this into a “I do nothing but get paid for it” career, it’s those two clowns.

This product is hilarious and I think it’s safe to say that Max Appel takes some massive power dumps. It’s just a shame that Billy Mays isn’t around anymore to pitch this product. Can you picture him and Sully coming up with the plan for a product demonstration?

Cameraman Taken Out By Truck - Watch more Funny Videos

He might not have been on a skateboard or rollerblades, but that guy definitely smashed his face so that counts as a faceplant. How about the second guy that almost got run over? I bet you anything sharted.

Marilyn Manson is fat - Celeb Jihad
This chick looks fun - The Danza Tap
Seren & Danni go topless for Nuts - NS4W
Courtroom brawl- Totally Crap
Celtics dancer auditions - Epic Carnival
Jim Leyritz teaches his ex-wife a lesson - Busted Coverage
Hot bitches - Break
Chick fight! - With Leather
Some funny ass pics - Big Smudge
Hot chicks in bodypaint - Gunaxin
10 sexy spring break contest vids - Uncoached
These are some big dumpers - Dirty Rotten Whore
10 worst National Anthems ever - Manofest
Butt or boobs? - City Rag
Hey! More hot chicks - Bachelor Guy
Dutch chick strips - Kontraband
Rowdy Roddy Piper arrested - Celebrity Odor
Firebush - Co-Ed Magazine