Don Chavez

For the past week or so, I have had the pleasure of walking by an enormous replica of the Larry O’Brien trophy. Every time I walk by it, all I can think about is 100 or so Massholes, absolutely hammered trying to carry that thing through the streets of Boston.

Ludicrous you say? Let’s rewind the clock to 1985…
From Patriots.com

The jubilant fans swarmed onto the field at the final gun and celebrated like their team had just won the Super Bowl. They succeeded in their quest to break the goalposts into pieces and proudly lugged their newfound trophies out of the stadium. Unfortunately a few of the Patriots faithful nearly electrocuted themselves when a piece of the dismantled goalpost came into contact with a power line overlooking Route 1. As it turned out, it wouldn’t be the last shock delivered to Patriots fans that winter. PFW

That’s right. A group of Massholes stole the goal post after a Pats game and almost electrocuted themselves as they carried it down Route 1.

This only leads me to believe that if the Celtics win the NBA championship tonight, that fake Larry O’Brien trophy will have the same fate. Being the degenerate that I am, I’m setting the odds at 3/1 for the trophy to make it to the traffic cop at the corner of Causeway and Staniford Streets, and 10/1 that it makes it to Congress Street.

Oh, and as far as a real parade route? Don’t expect to be parking your ass in City Hall Plaza unless it’s to mow down on some ribs at the Phantom Gourmet Beach BBQ. The Beach BBQ can’t be canceled or moved which means that there will be another lame ass rolling rally. Given the size of the team, you probably only need one duck boat for the players and one for the front office and staff. Not much of a parade if you ask me, but still reason enough to take the day off from work and go get drunk in a bar.

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