The funny thing about a recession is that you don’t know you’re in one until after the fact. Well, the U.S. could very well be in a recession or heading towards one, and I thought I would do my part to help out the ladies. So here are six ways you can make some extra cash during a recession.

Become A Stripper

Remember those dance lessons that Mom and Dad paid for way back when? Well now is the time to put them to use. If you want a light schedule, I suggest just doing amateur nights.

Pros:

You can sleep in every morning, and you’re paid cash every night. If you’re lucky a pro athlete will become one of your regulars and will make it rain every time you’re on stage.

Cons:

You have to work nights, and you will be groped by disgusting fat, hairy, married men. You’ll also being paying for everything in ones, and they’re a bitch to carry around. Funky perfume, body glitter, and cheesy costumes can get expensive and eat into your earnings.

How to break into the business:

Head on down to the local strip club and apply for a job.

Notable professionals:

Single mothers, college students

Become A Phone Sex Operator

Don’t have the body to become a stripper or an escort? No problem, you can tap into the phone sex operator niche!

Pros:

You can work from home, you don’t need to bust your ass at the gym every day, and you make your own hours. Don’t feel like working? Just don’t pick up the phone.

Cons:

You’ll put on plenty of weight because you sit around on your ass all day answering the phone. There’s only so many ways you can tell someone that “you want it”.

How to break into the business:

Get an 800 number and place a few ads on Craigslist, or if you’re really ambitious in the back of a spank mag.

Notable professionals:

Your mother.

Become An Escort

Not a hooker, not a prostitute, but an escort. You know, the kind that gets rated on a diamond system.

Pros:

You work only when you feel like it, and set your own schedule. Your body forces you into a one week vacation every month, which really isn’t that bad. The money is good, probably in excess of $500 a pop, and if you’re lucky you’ll land a celebrity client that you can rat out and turn the story into a $1M book deal.

Cons:

The once a month week long vacation is unpaid (unless you have great oral skills), risk of STD’s, you can’t tell anyone what you do for a living, and worst of all it’s illegal.

How to break into the business:

Get listed on Eros.com (high class) and Craigslist (low class).

Notable professionals:

Ashley Dupree

Become A Madame

If you don’t feel like sleeping with random men, then you might consider becoming a female pimp, or a Madame as they are affectionately called. You basically handle all the sales and marketing for the punanny that you recruit, and you get to profit off of their hard work.

Pros:

Lots of money, labor is easy to find, you’ll probably become very good friends with celebrities such as Charlie Sheen.

Cons:

Federal prosecution, and becoming good friends with Charlie Sheen.

How to break into the business:

Start dating a D list celebrity so that you can rub elbows with the Hollywood types. One night when someone is blasted and raving about wanting to call an escort, you call your friend Roxanne and ask her if she wants to make a quick $500. You’re now in business. As your business grows, recruiting new talent is easy. Just look for girls who just moved to Hollywood and are looking to become the next Denise Richards.

Notable professionals:

Heidi Fleiss, Deborah Palfrey

Perform Webcam Shows

If you’re worried about your Uncle Todd coming in and seeing you dancing on stage in nothing but a g-string under the stage name “Bambi”, then you might want to give the old webcam a try. You can do virtually anything from flirting, a little strip tease, to full blown…well you get the point.

Pros:

Make your own hours, you can remain anonymous by not showing your face.

Cons:

Your competing with the whores on Myspace that seem to do this stuff for free.

How to break into the business:

You can recruit customers via annoying instant messages and chat rooms, or you can become a performer for a variety of different cam sites (Ifriends, Camcrush, Flirt4free).

Notable professionals:

Brianna Frost

Find a Sugar Daddy

This is just like being a high class escort only you have only one client, your “Sugar Daddy”. he’s going to spoil you rotten with cash, jewelry, expensive and exotic vacations. In other words, he’ll give you everything you want.

Pros:

More money than you could ever dream of, small customer base, he’ll never go broke because the U.S. government will loan his company money so that it won’t go out of business due to his lavish spending.

Cons:

Your sugar daddy is going to be your grandfather’s age. When he dies in four years, you’ll get nothing by way of inheritance. When he asks you to do really kinky, disgusting sexual acts, you have to comply, or he’ll replace you with someone else who will.

How to find a sugar daddy:

Believe it or not, there is a website for this (Sugardaddie.com). You also might want to consider becoming a marketing rep for an alcohol company. You’ll get to go and “look pretty” at upscale events where these guys typically spend three nights a week.

Notable professionals:

Just open up the style section of the Sunday New York Times.