Don Chavez

From my inbox…

Subject: FBI Contacted with Regards to Removing Photo from DonChavez.com

Hi Don,

I am writing to request that the photos and page with my picture and name on them be removed from your website. The link that they appear on is: http://donchavez.com/blog/index.php/2008/12/03/asu-volleyball-does-a-body-good/ Those photos were obviously meant to be private and their discovery on your website and several others has caused me a great deal of trouble. I have been working with the FBI to have the photos removed from all sites that were published. Hopefully we can resolve this between the two of us before they need to take any further action. If the photos and page are promptly removed I will not press any further charges against this site. Thank you for your understanding and your prompt attention to this issue.

Sure we can resolve this between the two of us. Assuming you mean, you and the Don Chavez community. I mean I take these guys everywhere, and we have an unwritten code where I share everything with them.

First off, let me give everybody some advice. Whenever you are looking for someone else to do something for you, all you need to do is be nice. I don’t care if you’re looking for a beer after they’ve already made last call, some extra home fries with your breakfast, or maybe some raw dog action from your woman. You’re simply not going to get it by being an asshole. In the case of this site, if you email me with threats of lawsuits you’re not going to get anywhere unless you catch me in a good mood or the pics in question aren’t that hot and don’t draw traffic.

So when I received this email today I had to laugh. The FBI? You must mean the Female Body Inspector, because I just don’t see this as a case for the FBI. I can already see how a phone call of this sort would go down…

ASU grad: I’d like to file charges against someone for putting pictures of me on their website.

FBI: What kind of pictures are they?

ASU grad: I’m in my bedroom in a bra and thong panties.

FBI: Okay, I just need some information. How tall are you?

ASU grad: 6 feet.

FBI: Hmm, and your weight?

ASU grad: 145

FBI: Okay, we’ll take a look at the pictures. Where are they?

ASU grad: Can you put someone on the case?

audible laughter

FBI: Put someone on the case? Sure, hold on a second. Hey fellas, pull everyone off the search for Whitey. We have a former college volleyball player who wants to know how pictures of her in a thong ended up on the Internet. Better yet, someone call down to Vice and let them know that we’re going to need the Panty Patrol for this one.

ASU grad: Does this mean you’re not going to help me?

FBI: No I’ll help you. Tell your boyfriend to stop sharing your pictures on the Internet.

So purely out of the fact that I think this email was comedic gold, I removed the photos. While I have no sympathy for people who have had their thong pictures passed around the Internet since December of 2007, I just don’t think it’s right for the FBI to waste their time on this.

But I will tell you this, if the FBI did come crashing down on Don Chavez Headquarters (it’s the Starbucks down in Dudley Square) I would hope they would send one of these fake agents…

Paul Smecker from The Boondock Saints (NSFW)

Johhny Utah from Point Break

Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs