Unless someone finds a way to pry the bottle of Jack away from my Kung Fu grip this weekend, that’s it for another week. But before I shut it down, I want you to remember these three things…

  1. There’s a 50% chance that your dad is getting laid this weekend, and a 75% that it won’t be with your mom.
  2. You should help stimulate the economy by going out tonight, getting blasted, and charging the whole tab to your credit card. But don’t tip the bartender because you’re going to give Citibank a 20% tip instead.
  3. You’ve just spent another week having accomplished nothing. The least you can do is make a fat chick happy and have sex with her. Maybe even sleep over so she can cook you breakfast in the morning while her 15 cats crawl all over you.

So that’s it for the Danny Devito of calendar months. After the break, I’ll leave you with some photographic evidence that your girlfriend likes chicks.


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