Don Chavez

HONOLULU—A 28-year-old man has been sentenced to three weeks in jail for urinating on a 66-year-old woman during a Continental Airlines flight last month from Los Angeles to Honolulu. Jerome Kenneth Kingzio, a resident of the U.S. Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, was sentenced after pleading guilty Tuesday to assault charges in federal court in Honolulu.

The victim was headed to Hawaii on March 21 for a scuba diving vacation and was watching an in-flight movie when Kingzio stood up and began urinating on her. He had been drinking on the flight.

U.S. Attorney Edward Kubo Jr. said the woman reported that not only was her entire vacation ruined, but she continues to suffer emotionally from the incident.

The case was investigated by the FBI.

What a minute, pissing on someone is a federal case? Fuck me. If I had known this I would have brought up charges against an ex-girlfriend of mine from college. Every time she got shitfaced she’d piss the bed. It got to the point where I wouldn’t let Rainwoman stay over unless she brought rubber sheets. If I had known that the FBI would investigate stuff like this, I would have given them a call. What’s the statute of limitations on bed wetting?

But anyway, back to grandma. Nobody gets a golden shower on an airplane unless they deserve it or they ask for it. Given that she is a 66 year old woman going on a “scuba diving vacation” (swinger’s convention), I think she sounds pretty adventurous, so I go with she asked for it.