Don Chavez

Via Jalopnik comes the best thing you will see all day. Introdouching the long lost sixth member of the band Scorpion, known simply as the “Ferrari Guy”.

According to his website, he is available for the following services…

• Birthday gift
• Special occasions
• Weddings
• Bachelor/Bachelorette parties
• Anniversaries
• Banquets
• Special Events

Wait, he’s available for weddings? Talk about a cock block. There’s no way your bride is going to sleep with you on your wedding night after she goes for a spin with the Ferrari Guy. Look at that six pack. Look at that mullet. Christ, he’s got a fucking guitar! The man is a walking pussy magnet.

So how much will the Ferrari Guy set you back? A mere $150 for a 20 minute spin around the block. But my question is how much would it cost for Ferrari Guy to come to your house, stand topless on the hood of his Ferrari playing his guitar while you chuck eggs at him for 10 minutes straight? It’s easily valued at $500, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d provide this service at a discounted rate of $300. Hell, he’d probably even throw in an authentic Ferrari Guy jean jacket with the sleeves cut off at no extra charge.

Virtual high five to Jalopnik
The official Ferrari Guy website