Don Chavez

Check out this video of our fearless leader taking out a fly with a pansy ass slap. Let me just go on the record as saying that my fly swatting story destroys this one.

The year was 2005. It was a late August day in Saratoga, New York and I had just pushed a couple grand through the windows at Saratoga Race Course. As the race program came to a close, I was shitfaced and being guided by my girlfriend through downtown Saratoga to a pub where I could get some food in my stomach and continue to crush beers.

Once at our table we had an unwanted guest that wouldn’t leave us alone. A fly. It became an even bigger pain in the ass once our salads arrived. So you know what I did? No you don’t, because you weren’t there and this is my fucking story. I swatted the fly. Not with a napkin, not with a rolled up newspaper, not with my hand. I killed the fly with my knife.

I shit you not.

It was a move only rivaled by Mr. Miyagi and his chopsticks (which was Hollywood B.S.). My girlfriend creamed her pants at the display of masculinity she had just witnessed.

Naturally, I did what anyone else would have done. I called the waitress over, told her that she gave me a knife with a dead fly on it, and got our meal for free.