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What a week it was. We had naked chicks that turned out to be a promo for the latest version of Guitar Hero, Olivia Munn whored herself out, and Kim Kardashian is trying to make everyone think that she got the herp from Reggie Pubes Bush.

Who knows, maybe I’ll post tomorrow, but if I don’t you should just check and their list of the top 99 biznatches of 2009. If I do post it will have to be about so groundbreaking that you’d probably be disgusted by, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.


Jessica Mitchell

Before I get to today’s column, it seems like people are interested in some more candid pics of me. Please keep in mind the only real reason I’m on Don Chavez is to promote my modeling career, so me posting pics of myself rolling around on my carpet in my sports socks won’t really help my modeling career much. As a compromise, what I’m thinking of doing now and then is posting some candid shots of me, just without my face showing — so as they spread throughout the internet, my modeling career won’t suffer – since they’re relatively anonymous. I can hear the conspiracy theorists out there now — how do we know they’re pics of you? Well, they will be, and if you don’t believe that, you’re certainly free to believe whatever you’d like to. The pic I’ve posted today is one such candid shot of me. So, on to today’s column!




In case you haven’t heard, Joe Dimaggio was a terrible steroid abuser. The Daily Beast has the proof with a nude photo of his that will make you wonder why you’re looking at a photo of some old balls.

As many of you know, I have a strict no cack policy on the site, so I did my best to give you a representation of the photo here.

Big bush, cocktail frank, walnuts. That should do it.

h/t The Daily Beast (NSFW) via Meatspin



Some genius in Europe has come up with probably the best invention ever in the history of being too lazy to wine and dine a girl to see her naked. Naturally, I’m referring to the water soluble bikini. It makes a great gift, and after three minutes in the water the bathing suit falls apart and there’s T & A everywhere.

Now everyone on the Internet is billing this as the best ex-girlfriend prank ever, but I couldn’t disagree more. Sure, this would embarrass your former skank, but you’ve already seen her naked. Wouldn’t it make more sense to give this as a gift to a girl who you don’t really want to date, but you’d love to see in the buff? At just over $20 that is still a hell of a lot cheaper than the three or four dinner dates that it would take you to get that far.

I suggest you stock up asap, because these puppies are going to sell out by the end of the weekend now that the cat is out of the bag.

Water soluble bikini – Revenge Shop


ortiz varitek

I’ve got a two things I want to address because I mailed it in yesterday. The first of which is the Erin Andrews 911 tape, which TMZ unearthed and can be heard in the Youtube flick below. Yawn – can we put this thing to bed until somebody uncovers a) more footage, b) who the peeping tom is, or c) evidence that ESPN was behind the whole thing. Until then, this story is colder than Michael Jackson. And no, it’s not too soon, he was a pedderass.