Of this week’s questions from the ranks of the Vezaholics, I chose the following from “gibbs12″ :

“Do pick up lines change when guys notice you qualify for the shoe discount?”

I’m assuming you really mean when guys find out that I have one leg. Don’t think many men out there are all that curious about deals on shoes! I really don’t go out to clubs/bars and the like without my prosthesis on very much, but I have on a few occasions On those nights, I really haven’t noticed that the pick-up lines themselves change all that much versus when I go out with my prosthesis on. What I do know, however, is the pick-up lines guys use are largely really pathetic! Sorry guys, but it’s true. Take my column this week as your college class on how to approach a woman – which may help you a lot the next time you’re out at your neighborhood hangout. If it does — by me a drink the next time you see me at a bar as thanks.

Let’s start out by me sharing what not to do – from one of my real-life experiences. This really should be sort of obvious, but since similar things have happened to me more than once, and also to my friends, I guess it’s not all that clear. So, I’m at bar with my girls, and the bartender decided to move to Alaska I think – as she never returned to our table. So I get up and go to the bar area to order another drink. As I’m waiting at the bar for my drink, minding my own business, not acting like an unfriendly bitch or anything like that, just keeping to myself – this guy suddenly appears right next to me. And I mean right next to me. The bar wasn’t body-to-body packed if you know what I mean, so no reason for him to attach himself to my hip. Strike one already — probably an 8 on the creepy scale for that one. Then the first words out his mouth were, besides breath that smelled of NASA rocket fuel, something along the lines of that I had the most perfectly shaped big boobs he’d ever seen. Without me even uttering a word yet, he then says that my ass was way better then Vida Guerra’s. He tops it all off by saying I really needed to be his new girlfriend, since he just had kicked his old girlfriend out of his car on the way to the bar that night.

Okay guys, if any of that seems like it would be effective at picking up a woman — you need my help, and badly. Women love compliments, and men do too. If the guy was a friend of mine and he said those things, I would have eaten it all up. But from a total stranger who doesn’t know what “personal space” is and who, apparently, has a tendency to through women out of cars — not so much. If you want to compliment me, which I would love – do it in a way that says something about – you. In a way that’s not crude, or in such a superficial way that let’s me know that the only thing you care to notice about me are my boobs and my ass. Notice them, sure — I notice other women that have killer bodies – nothing wrong with that part. It just doesn’t speak very highly about you if those are the first words that come out of your mouth. Talk to me first guys. Walk up and crack a joke about yourself or the bartender or something — make me laugh. Nothing breaks the ice as easily as making someone laugh — whether that be at a bar, or in the office. Also, don’t try too hard. Nothing is more off-putting than the smell of desperation. So, just relax and just be yourself. You’d be surprised that women will respond much better to a guy that seems real — like they’re not putting on some kind of invented show. I really don’t care what kind of car a guy drives, or how many boats he has, etc. etc. – I mean good for him, but that’s certainly not necessary for me to want to date someone. I’ll take a humble and real guy – that’s intelligent and witty, over an asshole who has a fleet of 150 foot yachts any day of the week. My friends are the same way.

Give it a try. Seems obvious as you read this, right? Be yourself, be confident in yourself, and relax – tell her something funny that happened to you that day. If it works, buy me a drink if we cross paths in a bar someday, if it doesn’t work — call Dr. Laura.

Submit your questions to Jessica on Twitter by following her here.