Jessica Mitchell

Before I get to today’s column, it seems like people are interested in some more candid pics of me. Please keep in mind the only real reason I’m on Don Chavez is to promote my modeling career, so me posting pics of myself rolling around on my carpet in my sports socks won’t really help my modeling career much. As a compromise, what I’m thinking of doing now and then is posting some candid shots of me, just without my face showing — so as they spread throughout the internet, my modeling career won’t suffer – since they’re relatively anonymous. I can hear the conspiracy theorists out there now — how do we know they’re pics of you? Well, they will be, and if you don’t believe that, you’re certainly free to believe whatever you’d like to. The pic I’ve posted today is one such candid shot of me. So, on to today’s column!

Todays question comes from my friend “Steve” — who’s name I have changed to protect the guilty. Out of the blue, and in the midst of another conversation we were having on a completely different subject, he asks me “Jessica, what’s it like having boobs?”

Took me a second to adapt to the sudden hard left turn on the subject we were talking about — which was probably something relating to politics. Yes guys, I like politics. Anyway, back to boobs. That was the first time a man has asked me that question. And “Steve” is a straight man, just in case you’re wondering.

He went on to say that a number of his friends really had that question and would never, ever, have the balls to ask a women that. Steve and I have a crazy and funny and really healthy friendship, so he apparently felt comfortable asking me – out of the blue, granted, with no warning whatsoever. Okay, he seemed sincere enough, so I answered it. Had no idea what level of detail he wanted — so probably threw in more than he wanted to know. Hey, I have a tendency to talk too much anyway, so he’s used to it.

In order to understand boobs, you have to first know what size you’re working with — in my case, 36DD, which is my bra size. If you haven’t taken bra 101 in college, that’s definitely on the bigger/fuller end of the spectrum. I mean at this point, I don’t really even remember what it feels like not having them, so in order to prepare for this week’s column and avoid all of the generalities I told Steve, I spent a few hours yesterday afternoon while running some errands trying to keep my mind focused on all things boobs. Steve would probably like this new field research, so listen-up Steve if you’re out there — some new information for you. Here are the tidbits from my field research in boobology.

Firstly, car seat belts are not all that comfortable if you’re busty. That’s probably because they were designed by a man. Sorry guys, didn’t mean to beat you up there, just an observation. Someone needs to create boob friendly seat belts please. In my state of boob hyper-awareness, another thing I noticed while driving to my errands is that boobs bounce even while seated in a car. Especially in California where potholes in roads are as common as pimples on the face of a 15 year old, my boobs were all over the place seemingly with every bump in the road. And of course they also move a lot when I’m walking, during sex, etc, that goes without saying. Boobs bounce, that’s just what they do.

Finding pretty bras is also challenge if you’re busty. I hate the whole “grandma” bra genre, I like the ones that are probably more pretty than they are functional. That’s not too easy to find when you’re my size. It can be done, but involves a fair amount of hunting.

Another thing I’m keenly aware of, and I didn’t even need my field research to remind me of it – is that men talk to my breasts often times instead of looking me in the eye. I kid you not. Hello, my eyes are up here. I’m also guilty of staring at other women’s breasts though, as are my girlfriends. I mean boobs are just really sexy to look at – especially if you’ve got something to show. I get that, so I forgive you guys – just don’t entirely speak to my boobs next time, okay? Give me a little eye contact too.

In conclusion, I love my boobs. They’re big, and thankfully – firm, and I wouldn’t trade being big for flat chested any day of the week. Just someone invent a new seat belt so they don’t become deformed.

This post was by Jessica Mitchell, our resident one legged hot chick. You can follow her on Twitter by clicking here, and also catch her on here on Fridays for “Ask a one legged hot chick”.

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