Don Chavez

I have three rules in life…

1. Never play poker with a guy who has a city for a first name.
2. Always wipe front to back.
3. Never hang out with someone who has, by choice, “quit” masturbation and/or having sex.

I think the first two rules are self explanatory. The last one is there more for your personal safety. Why? Because I’ll bet if you ask any mass murderer/psychopath (after a killing spree) when the last time they busted a nut was, they’d probably say two months ago. It’s true, masturbation is the silent killer. Just ask the terrorists.

So in an effort to save the world, I encourage all “ex-masturbators” to look at the photos after the break. Hopefully one of these photos will inspire you, you’ll choke your chicken, and I’ll have saved and entire office building full of stuffed suits from a hail of gunfire.