This isn’t nearly as vicious as I like my faceplants, but I guess I have a soft spot in my heart for fat chicks. Must have something to do with all the fat pussy I crushed in a drunken haze during college.

True story, I used to keep a bag of flour next to my bed.

One day my roommate says, “What the fack is that baga flour for? You fackn bakin’ a cake?”

“No dude, that’s for fat chicks.”

“What the fack do you mean? You got some fat chick bakin’ for you?

“No shithead, that’s so I can find the wet spot.”