Don Chavez

A hoe? That’s the best weapon this lady could come up with to fend off a reporter from asking questions? What ever happened to being the crazy old lady with a shotgun?

Seriously though, this whole thing unfolded in Florida, which probably surprises most of you. You see most of the country hears Florida and they think of the sexy Miami nightlife, Disney World in Orlando, and that relaxing ocean front property that your grandparents retired on.

Well Florida is a huge ass state, and in between those three places I mentioned there is a lot of swampland, and well, people with no money and the intelligence of a dead car battery. So while you might think of the Sunshine State as all cupcakes and rainbows, to me this kind of stuff is par for the course.

I have three rules in life…

1. Never play poker with a guy who has a city for a first name.
2. Always wipe front to back.
3. Never hang out with someone who has, by choice, “quit” masturbation and/or having sex.

I think the first two rules are self explanatory. The last one is there more for your personal safety. Why? Because I’ll bet if you ask any mass murderer/psychopath (after a killing spree) when the last time they busted a nut was, they’d probably say two months ago. It’s true, masturbation is the silent killer. Just ask the terrorists.

So in an effort to save the world, I encourage all “ex-masturbators” to look at the photos after the break. Hopefully one of these photos will inspire you, you’ll choke your chicken, and I’ll have saved and entire office building full of stuffed suits from a hail of gunfire.

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Admit it, you laughed too when you saw the photo of the murderer. That mug shot is hilarious! Kudos to the guy in the control room for being a dick and putting the photo back on the screen once the reporter already had the giggles.

Honestly, it’s shit like this that keeps mainstream media alive, and by that I mean with a faint fading pulse.

The dumpers on the outside of the chick are for my gay readers Despite what some of you might think, this hell hole is one of the most diverse places on the Internet.

Irina Sheik makes it move – Totally Crap
It’s clear this woman loves goat sex – With Leather
Coed Jacky shows the goods – Dirty Rotten Whore
Chris Brown can’t beat the charges – Celeb Jihad
Nadia and her awesome lingerie collection – Rich and Brainless
Oregon Cheerleader photos! – Busted Coverage
Mila Kunis and her kunis on the red carpet – Use My Computer
Check out these legs – NSFWPOA
Frency (Rock of Love) topless – Boobie Blog
Emma Stone sexiness – NS4W
Fast cars and fast bitches – Gunaxin
Boner. Mercedes SLS Gullwing Supercar – Bachelor Guy
13 greatest magic fails – Epic Carnival
Triana gets dirty with a snake – On 205th
Claire Danes looking bangable – Glamzilla
Chick does a split in a bikini – Danza Tap
Rumor has it this is Katie Price nude (NSFW) – Taxi Driver Movie
Top 10 Jessica Simpson nip slips – City Rag
Kelly Brook needs a spanking – Caveman Circus
Ashley Greene pics (NSFW ads) – Lax Time
Kobe Bryan signature play trailer – Real Talk NY
Gross pics from a topless protest – Me and Isis

On a slow news day, it’s always best to turn to the ladies of the 2006 Victoria’s Secret fashion show. So here they are to pull you out of a late afternoon rut. Feel free to rank each and every one of the 39 photos individually in the comment section. Trust me, by the time your done, it will be quitting time.

More sexiness coming up…

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