crazy landlord

So I’m in the process of finding a new place for DC headquarters. You know, something real posh with plenty of room for me to sleep on my pullout couch. So the other day while I was posting fake hooker profiles on Craigslist, I hit up the housing section and found a great deal on a house for $1,000 a month in suburbia, so I sent an email. Here’s what I got back…

God bless you for your interest about my house.The 4 bedrooms 2 Baths home is still available for rent. I am renting this house to a responsible and neat person or family who has the fear of God and treat my house as his or her own. Presently Myself have moved out of the house due to my husband death and also my work transfer to London,UK and will be away for 8 years or more and I wanted to sell the house before but My cousin advised that i should rent it out, You can even still see i sign board on the house showing that the house is for sell . On getting here, I discovered that my nature of work will last for 8 years so I decided to look for a responsible and caring person to maintain and take proper care of my House as I do. We search for a God fearing and reputable agent who can take good care of the house, but we couldn’t get anyone then. We left with the key, codes and papers. I’m willing to rent out the house to a tenant who is able to come up with 1months and security deposit rent as a deposit and I will like him/her to assure me that the house will be properly managed. Concerning the lease, duration is minimum of 6-12 months or as the tenant pleases and take good care of our house then we will be ready to accept you as our future tenant and family friend. If you really impress me by taking good care of our house then you will be allowed to stay as long as you wish okay. This is the address of the Single story, {redacted}.

Beautiful ranch style home in best area of {insert really nice town}. 4 bedrooms, 2 baths and a large family room. Beautiful rock fireplace in Living room. Large family style kitchen and a park-sized back yard. Garden included. Ready to move in.

So get back to me on how you could take care of our house or perhaps experience you have in renting my house. Hope you are okay with the price of US$1000/month and the security deposit is $450 with heat laundry facilities, air condition and so on. PETS ARE WELCOME!

I am looking forward to hear from you ASAP so that i can forward you an Application to fill out and discuss on how to get the House for rent, also are you ready to rent it now or when? Await your reply.

Thanks.
Gail.

She had me at Godfearing. So wired her $2,450 for first and last month, and a security deposit. Now I’m just waiting for her to mail me the keys and I’ve got myself a sweet bachelor pad where I can write in the nude.

Not.

P.S. If you think I actually sent this person money, you’re the reason why Nigerian scammers still do this shit.

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