Man Masturbates on Potsdam Town Hall Roof

This story is so funny that I don’t want to fuck up the facts, so I’ll let Johnny Reporter lay it out for you…

POTSDAM — A village man is accused of masturbating in front of a Market Street apartment window for the second time in 14 months.

Jaime T. Pollard, 24, of 31 Market St., Apt. 3, was charged Monday with public lewdness, second-degree reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, third-degree criminal tampering and two counts of trespassing, village police said. He was accused of masturbating in front of Scott A. Wilson’s apartment window.

Mr. Wilson, 19, of 331/2 Market St., Apt. 5, then reportedly chased Mr. Pollard across a roof top and punched him several times in the face while on the Potsdam Town Hall roof. An unidentified 15-year-old girl watched the attack, police said.

Police found Mr. Pollard lying on the town hall roof naked with a cut on his head. He was treated at Canton-Potsdam Hospital, but became disruptive while there, police said.

That’s understandable. I mean if the guy pictured above was jackin’ it outside my window, I’d be pissed too. I probably wouldn’t jump onto the roof and give him a flying Mexican leg drop though, because chances are he’d have his Ben Hogan in his hand and he’d probably be ready to make it puke on me. That’s just something that I don’t need in my life.

Mr. Wilson, 19, was charged with attempted second-degree assault, acting in a manner to injure a child under age 17 and two counts of trespassing, police said.

That’s right folks. Wilson, who cracked the master debater in the head, is now being charged because a kid saw him assaulting the other weird guy.

Sometimes a story just has all the punchlines built right into it, and this is one of those stories. I think I’ll just hit publish now.