Don Chavez

The Epic Limerick of the Epic Beard Man.

In Oakland a grizzled veteran named Tom
From the long forgotten war in Viet Nam
Tried to get rid of his blues
By shining his Stacy Adam’s shoes
To look sharp at the funeral of his Mom.

When he got on the AC transit Bus
He encountered a racially toned fuss
Because a thug named Tyrone
Tried to pick at Tom’s bone
When the shoeshine was brought up to discuss.

Tyrone acted like his shit wasn’t stinky
But compared to Tom he was really quite dinky
Though Tom’s conclusion was foregone
That it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on
One of the hecklers yelled out “Say it again Pinky!”

Tom declared that he was 67 years old
That’s when the thug decided to get gangster bold.
One of the women with no class
Yelled out “Beat his white ass”
Now here’s where the legendary stuff begins to unfold!

Tom said something about slapping the thug shitless
That’s when Tyrone finally proved himself witless.
When Tyrone’s left hook came around
He got his ass beat to the ground
By the Senior showing Epic Beard Man fitness!

Epic Beard Man hit him with a four lefts and a right
It was a beat down instead of a fight!
Epic Beard Man got his shoes shined
By putting them up Tyrone’s behind!
Then he decided to call it a night.

Tyrone crawled off to where a wounded man encamps
To some of his bleeding he tried to apply clamps.
The videographer who was freakin’
Cried aloud “Ohh He Leakin’!”
As Tyrone yelled out “Bring da’ Amber lamps!”

Here’s a tip for any thuggish city sucker
Epic Beard Man can make y’alls ass pucker!
You’ll be weepin’ and moanin’
If you pick on a big bearded Roman
Who’s shirt declares “I AM a Motherfucker!”
————————————————
Charles Ulysses Feney
Livingston, Montana