Don Chavez

I’m tired of seeing stars dancing. I don’t want to see stars, nor do I want to see anyone dance, so the combination is not all that compelling to me. Perhaps if it was F*cking with the Stars, I would tune in. But that would probably have to be on FX or showtime. Or Ultimate Fighting with the Stars. I would have liked to see Mark Cuban put Erin Andrews in a scissor lock.

I recommend, in all my swarthy wisdom, that anyone who enjoys music check out Heavy.com’s weekly music piece discussing newly-released albums. It comes out on Tuesday, the same as the records, so you don’t need to rack your brain remembering what day. Such a pleasure!

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Julianne Hough got her cell phone hacked. The prime suspects are, everyone that wants pics of Julianne Hough. So pretty much every dude in the nation. I wonder if we’ll all be called in for questioning. Man. I better lawyer up.

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I never thought I would say this in a million years, but I think I might be too old for this girl. To old to really know who she is, anyway. Not too old to let her sit on my lap and drive my car. I’ll never be too old for that. And they’ll never be too young.

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Breath this one in. She’s a German playmate. I don’t know if that means she’s German and in Playboy here or if she’s German and a playmate over there. Who cares. Look at her. She could be from Mars and it wouldn’t phase me. In fact, she looks pretty otherworldly in these photos. Maybe she is from Mars. We should probe her and find out.

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