Don Chavez

Sun Chronicle - Master thieves operating with military-like precision broke into a city jewelry company, stealing up to $2 million in gold, diamonds and jewelry - including New York Giants Super Bowl rings - in one of the largest heists in Attleboro history.

The burglary occurred sometime over the weekend at E.A. Dion at 33 Franklin McKay Drive, and is under investigation by city police detectives.

The perpetrators disabled the building’s alarm system, cut a hole in the roof and made off with a safe that weighed at least 1,000 pounds, police said.

All I can say is that this is impressive, I’m talking “The Thomas Crown Affair” impressive. Although Rene Russo will be arriving in town shortly (in my dreams) to get on me and this case, I’ve decided to go ahead and put together a list of suspects.

1) E.A. Dion employees - Who else would be able to cut a hole in the roof and carry out a 1,000 pound safe unnoticed?

2) Bob Kraft - Bob is in need of some new bling to match those Super Bowl rings and ridiculous cuff links.

3) Bill Belichick - He could easily round up the muscle to pull off this heist. The motive is clear, but it’s unlikely that he would cut the security system as he’d want to have the cameras rolling at all times.

4) These chicks - Just because I love those pictures.

5) Michael Strahan - He says he’s retired, but what about that divorce? Ex-wives aren’t cheap.

6) George Steinbrenner - With a shortage of championships this decade, George is in need of his hardware fix.