This year I’ve decided not to do a horse by horse breakdown of the Kentucky Derby because it really doesn’t matter what I think. All that matters is that I come home from Suffolk Downs tomorrow with more money than I arrived with.
I can’t deny that I’m a Big Brown fan, and when Rick Dutrow talks before a big race I listen. His tout of Saint Liam in the Breeders Cup bailed me out of what would have been a miserable day of gambling. Keep in mind this is a guy who puts his money where his mouth is. He bet $160,000 on Saint Liam which resulted in a $384,000 score before he had even collected his share of the purse money.
The Picks: Big Brown, Gayego, Monba, Recapturetheglory. I’ll box these guys up in every wager known to man and hope to cash a ticket.
I guess there was a contest to become the CPO (chief party officer) of the Kentucky Derby infield, and nobody told me about it. The lucky winner this year happens to be Tim “Stymie” Snyder.
Stymie is a fan of wearing white platform shoes, which in my opinion should disqualify him from the role of CPO. Ugly floral shirts are fine, but platform shoes are a no no in any circle…unless you’re a chick.
I was shocked today to see 2002 Kentucky Derby winner War Emblem making headlines. No it wasn’t for his dazzling performance on the track, but for his lack of performance off the track. To me this was old news, as it wasn’t a secret in the horse racing world that War Emblem was a bust failure in the breeding shed. Most people say he’s just to picky. I say he’s gay. Either way, it’s all irrelevant. He’s in Japan, so it’s a given that he’ll eventually be served up with a plate of sushi.
The Kentucky Derby is known as the most exciting two minutes in sports. Kentuckians take pride in the fact that no matter how backwards some of them might be, their event holds this distinction and nobody can take it away from them.
But little do they know that there is another title up for grabs. It’s the most exciting 3 4 minutes in sports and there is some stiff competition. No, I’m not talking about the time you got a handie at Red Sox game. I’m talking about Banei horse racing.
What’s Banei horse racing you ask? It’s Japan’s way of trying to get a leg up on the thoroughbred racing industry. Instead of using thoroughbreds, they use Banei horses, and strap a 1,200 pound sled behind them. The jockeys then proceed to beat the shit out of the horse as it maneuvers a straight dirt course consisting of a series of one meter high bumps.
As you’ll see below, these races are so slow that the fans can actually run along side ahead of the horses. Hence, the most exciting four minutes in sports.
For the Kentucky Derby, you have three seating options. You can rape your bank account and sit in an actual seat on the grandstand side of the track, you can cram into the paddock area and watch the races on a big screen, or you can pack a cooler and venture into the infield area.
Should you decide to go with the infield party, I can guarantee you the following:
You’ll get black out drunk
You’ll hook up with something that looks like it should not be this far away from the seashore.
You won’t see one minute of horse racing.
You’ll feel like you’re in the minority because you don’t have a mullet.
You’ll lose all of your money because you’ll be so drunk that you’ll use Hammerin’ Hank Goldberg’s picks.
If you pass out, everyone around you will fuck with you, and your friends won’t do one thing to stop it. They’ll encourage it.
You’ll see someone “dressed” as a Pimp, but in reality they are a Pimp and it will cost you $50 if you want to get your freak on in the port-a-pottie.
You’ll wait in line for three hours without beer or a bathroom for a 15 minute cab ride back to your hotel.
If you’re into stalking celebrities, the Kentucky Derby is the place to be. Hang around the Galt House lobby and chances are you see every celebrity in town for the big day. If you’re a die hard celeb stalker with deep pockets I suggest you pony up some cash to attend either the Mint Jubilee Gala or the Barnstable Brown Gala. The Barnstable Brown Gala is the most famous of all the Derby Eve parties, and chances are you’ll run into Tom Brady and his entourage there.
5 strides from the wire and you looked back to see who was coming? I mean isn’t this right up there with running out every ground ball, hitting until you hear the whistle, etc.?
Yet another update was released on Barbaro’s status. I’ll cut to the chase and just post what might be considered new information…
According to Dr. Dean Richardson, “He [Barbaro] had an excellent week” and “We replaced the boot on his left hind foot with a bandage because the hoof is doing well”.
Don’t believe me? Look at the article on DRF. It amazes me that people consider this news.
Defending Breeders’ Cup Mile champion Artie Schiller has been retired at the age of 5. The connections of owners William Entenmann and Denise Walsh, and trainer Jimmy Jerkens have sited a chronic ankle injury as the reason for retirement. He finished his career with 10 wins in 22 tries, and over $2 Million in earnings.
Can the 2006 racing season get any worse? The stars of the sport keep pushing up daisies or retiring. Before you know it, the Breeders’ Cup with have passed and we’ll hear news of the retirements of Bernardini and Lava Man. So who will be left as the household name of horse racing? A dismal Funny Cide who has struggled to find the winner’s circle after a valiant 3 year-old campaign? Or could the timing be perfect for a horse like Discreet Cat to put together dazzling 4 and 5-year-old campaigns that will reel in the media and international attention?
