This year I’ve decided not to do a horse by horse breakdown of the Kentucky Derby because it really doesn’t matter what I think. All that matters is that I come home from Suffolk Downs tomorrow with more money than I arrived with.
I can’t deny that I’m a Big Brown fan, and when Rick Dutrow talks before a big race I listen. His tout of Saint Liam in the Breeders Cup bailed me out of what would have been a miserable day of gambling. Keep in mind this is a guy who puts his money where his mouth is. He bet $160,000 on Saint Liam which resulted in a $384,000 score before he had even collected his share of the purse money.
The Picks: Big Brown, Gayego, Monba, Recapturetheglory. I’ll box these guys up in every wager known to man and hope to cash a ticket.
I guess there was a contest to become the CPO (chief party officer) of the Kentucky Derby infield, and nobody told me about it. The lucky winner this year happens to be Tim “Stymie” Snyder.
Stymie is a fan of wearing white platform shoes, which in my opinion should disqualify him from the role of CPO. Ugly floral shirts are fine, but platform shoes are a no no in any circle…unless you’re a chick.
I was shocked today to see 2002 Kentucky Derby winner War Emblem making headlines. No it wasn’t for his dazzling performance on the track, but for his lack of performance off the track. To me this was old news, as it wasn’t a secret in the horse racing world that War Emblem was a bust failure in the breeding shed. Most people say he’s just to picky. I say he’s gay. Either way, it’s all irrelevant. He’s in Japan, so it’s a given that he’ll eventually be served up with a plate of sushi.
The Kentucky Derby is known as the most exciting two minutes in sports. Kentuckians take pride in the fact that no matter how backwards some of them might be, their event holds this distinction and nobody can take it away from them.
But little do they know that there is another title up for grabs. It’s the most exciting 3 4 minutes in sports and there is some stiff competition. No, I’m not talking about the time you got a handie at Red Sox game. I’m talking about Banei horse racing.
What’s Banei horse racing you ask? It’s Japan’s way of trying to get a leg up on the thoroughbred racing industry. Instead of using thoroughbreds, they use Banei horses, and strap a 1,200 pound sled behind them. The jockeys then proceed to beat the shit out of the horse as it maneuvers a straight dirt course consisting of a series of one meter high bumps.
As you’ll see below, these races are so slow that the fans can actually run along side ahead of the horses. Hence, the most exciting four minutes in sports.
For the Kentucky Derby, you have three seating options. You can rape your bank account and sit in an actual seat on the grandstand side of the track, you can cram into the paddock area and watch the races on a big screen, or you can pack a cooler and venture into the infield area.
Should you decide to go with the infield party, I can guarantee you the following:
You’ll get black out drunk
You’ll hook up with something that looks like it should not be this far away from the seashore.
You won’t see one minute of horse racing.
You’ll feel like you’re in the minority because you don’t have a mullet.
You’ll lose all of your money because you’ll be so drunk that you’ll use Hammerin’ Hank Goldberg’s picks.
If you pass out, everyone around you will fuck with you, and your friends won’t do one thing to stop it. They’ll encourage it.
You’ll see someone “dressed” as a Pimp, but in reality they are a Pimp and it will cost you $50 if you want to get your freak on in the port-a-pottie.
You’ll wait in line for three hours without beer or a bathroom for a 15 minute cab ride back to your hotel.
If you’re into stalking celebrities, the Kentucky Derby is the place to be. Hang around the Galt House lobby and chances are you see every celebrity in town for the big day. If you’re a die hard celeb stalker with deep pockets I suggest you pony up some cash to attend either the Mint Jubilee Gala or the Barnstable Brown Gala. The Barnstable Brown Gala is the most famous of all the Derby Eve parties, and chances are you’ll run into Tom Brady and his entourage there.
For those of you who don’t already know, DonChavez.com hit the Internet scene as a horse racing blog a few years ago. I quickly found out that there wasn’t much interest in horse racing, other than three weekends out of the year in May and June.
So I thought I would get back to my humble blogging roots and put together a few posts about the Derby this week. I’ll get things started with Kentucky Derby Fact #1:
The Kentucky Derby is an excuse for men to wear funny hats.
Sure the ladies wear funny hats, but there’s nothing strange about it. Women are the same people who wear sunglasses bigger than their heads, carry handbags so big they could double as a homeless shelter, and strut around in Ugg boots because Oprah tells them to. Now when a man throws on a funny hat at the Derby it’s something to talk about. Nowhere else in the world, could you get a group of blue bloods together and have them wear a piece of women’s clothing. In public at least.
Yet another update was released on Barbaro’s status. I’ll cut to the chase and just post what might be considered new information…
According to Dr. Dean Richardson, “He [Barbaro] had an excellent week” and “We replaced the boot on his left hind foot with a bandage because the hoof is doing well”.
Don’t believe me? Look at the article on DRF. It amazes me that people consider this news.
With another Barbaro press release today stating that he is now eating grass, I realized that Barbaro did not win the Kentucky Derby. Yum! Brands Inc. did.
On February first, Yum! Brands Inc. announced a five year deal with Churchill Downs, that would name the first jewel of the Triple Crown “the Kentucky Derby presented by Yum! Brands.” I’m sure Yum! Brands, thought they would get their money’s worth on this deal, with the Triple Crown alone. A Triple Crown winner would have given their sponsorship more mileage, as Barbaro may have continued on to run in the Travers. Instead, the next best thing happened (people I’m talking about from a sponsorship and money point of view), Barbaro was injured and saved by New Bolton Center.
Each press release containing Barbaro’s name has an almost mandatory declaration that he was the winner of “the Kentucky Derby presented by Yum! Brands.” They might as well change it to “a Barbaro update sponsored by Yum! Brands.” If there is anyone out there pulling for the big guy to have another twelve months in recovery, it’s the Colonel.
Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro is now trying to fight off an infection. As a result, his surgical team went in and replaced all of the screws and the compression plate, which are used to help the bone fuse together. Barbaro also received a fresh bone graft during the procedure.
Barbaro injury has been healing, although he is still far away from a full recovery. He has also requested more letters, fruit, and cards from his fans.
